More Words
☆ November 15, 2016
I want to clarify something.
Fear is not meanness.
Protest is not meanness.
Anger is not meanness.
FEAR
PROTEST
ANGER
are somehow being used interchangeably with meanness (by some).
are somehow being used to justify meanness (by some).
Bigotry IS mean.
Hate IS mean.
And while bigotry and hate often grow from fear and anger, these words are not all interchangeable.
I think it’s obvious to anyone who has spent mere minutes reading my work that I don’t support Trump, and I think Pence is the second coming of Satan. I’m glad that Mike didn’t support Trump. BUT. I have friends who voted for Trump. It’s not unlikely that 100% of my ambulance crew voted for Trump. Wyoming had the distinction of being the state with the very largest percentage of Trump voters in the nation. And maybe I’m being sensitive, or maybe I’m being naive, but I’m having a hard time with this sentiment: “Now I’m the person who doesn’t love you, Trump voters. I don’t want to be. But you hate your neighbors.” And this: “A lot of people’s terror doesn’t come just from Trump being elected. It’s knowing half the country is enjoying the pain of the other half.” And this: “A Trump supporter just followed me on Instagram. I’m not sure how I feel about this.” These statements are real, they came from very intelligent artists. These statements, and others like them, make me so sad.
It makes me sad because it’s more division. It’s division based on one thing. And whether that thing is superficial or not is up for debate and whether that thing is inherent bigotry or not is up for debate, but from where I stand in Wyoming – from my experience and that alone – I don’t agree that all Trump voters are bigots. I don’t think the blanket statements are helping anything.
And this does not negate the fear! It does not negate the anger, or disregard the protest! It can all be true. I went to Planned Parenthood on Friday for my annual exam, as I have always done. But I caught myself, as I was leaving my house, wondering if I was going to be shot to death during my appointment. My privilege – being white, in a hetero relationship, with a job that allows me to spend the majority of my time exclusively with animals – means I only feel this fear sometimes, not all the time.
I was riding my horse this weekend, wearing a tank top with Mapplethorp’s Flag printed on it (I have been riding my horse daily in tank tops in the middle of November in Wyoming, what is this world?). I was out in the hills, completely alone, no sign of human life, much less other humans. But I wondered to myself, what if I was wearing this tank top in public today? What if people who weren’t familiar with Mapplethorp’s work and life just saw me with the American flag on my chest? What would they think of me, just from that? How many would hate me, just from that? How many would fear me, just from that?
I received this in a email, and am posting it with permission:
“Several weeks ago my partner said she saw Trump as a heyoka (Lakota clown who mirrors the dark side). The heyoka’s role is to illuminate the shadow and ultimately help the people. In my prayer this morning, in despair at the election, I got back immediately that you do not engage the heyoka. You stay seated on the ground and you do not give into the fear that the heyoka creates. Stay in your prayer. Stay out of speculation. These just feed that kind of energy.
I got very strongly that the best medicine for us as a people is to keep our homes peaceful and calm, to engage in our community, to do all the small things that make up a good life, to remain kind and thoughtful, to stay in our prayer. We are part of the nurturing, and we have no idea how many of our small acts are helping other people, who go on to do other small acts. Strong community, strong neighborhood, strong households.
I have to say that usually my prayers are short and I don’t get a whole lot of words back, only a feeling or two. But this was a kind of torrent and as I stood there with my sage burning, the wind came up very strongly. Lastly, I got that humor, art, and ceremony are crucial in these times. I hope this is helpful. Big hugs to you all. I am so glad to count you as my community.
Love, mitakuye oyasin (we are all related)”
–Caitlin Sullivan, Seattle
And lastly, this is really important. This is for everyone outraged by racism, white supremacy, the lies of those in power, the abuse of power by those in power, and systemic disregard for the environment. Please stand with Standing Rock TODAY!
Go to www.nodapldayofaction.org to find events in your area. TODAY. Trump has invested in two companies behind the DAPL, so if you want to hit him where it hurts, PROTEST THE DAPL.
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November 15th, 2016 @ 10:43 am
Brava.
November 15th, 2016 @ 11:09 am
Differences of opinion are meant to create discussion, hopefully to result in avoiding division. If not then agree to disagree, which is tolerance. We are ALL of the same race, human that is, and need to support each other. Good luck to all of you in the days ahead.
November 15th, 2016 @ 11:14 am
A lot of people did not vote so much for Trump but rather against HC. It would appear as though a majority of the people felt the same way.
November 15th, 2016 @ 11:35 am
Shreve, great heart and wisdom from you as always. Thank you for sharing your friend’s vision of Trump as a heyoka. I agree that we cannot meet hate with hate, or with cutting people off, or with refusing to engage with this with whom we disagree, even when the disagreement is so deep and so passionate as to see hopelessly irreconcilable. I feel the world this week has turned darker then I have known it in my lifetime. All the more reason for each of us to strive to bring in as much light as we can.
November 15th, 2016 @ 11:36 am
Meant to say *with THOSE with whom we disagree*.
November 15th, 2016 @ 11:36 am
You have absolutely nailed it. I have friends who supported Trump, and they are good people. My significant other is still in shock and mourning over Hillary’s loss, he feels she would have made an amazing president. I have been in shock and sad that all I have fought for all my life has been dismissed and mocked.
But I believe as Caitlin does, that he has been elected for a reason – to show us our shadow side, and to bring it out in to the open so it may be seen and healed.
Change -true change – starts from within; within ourselves, our families, our communities. And that is where we must begin, even while actively trying to protect those who are most vulnerable right now.
If you’re angry, channel it towards creating something good, not in hurting someone. If you are sad, reach out and connect with someone who understands and can lift you up.
It all begins and ends with each of us individually. So be the change you want to see – towards everyone!
November 15th, 2016 @ 11:43 am
Great words, all of you. I am feeling so so SAD. Also numb. All the folks wanting me to sign Electoral College protests (which I did), EPA protection, which I did, doesn’t make me any less sad. Somebody said after all of this to remember all those folks ( half of us) who hated Obama, and how they felt during 2 elections. For whatever reasons, they felt like this, too. I am not a religious person, but god help us all.
November 15th, 2016 @ 1:00 pm
Ah, Brava X 2! I have been feeling very much the same but didn’t have the words. Thank you Shreve and Caitlin for this today. I’m going to have to share this!
November 15th, 2016 @ 1:14 pm
My family has been in Wyoming since before it was a state; I have fore bearers who signed the state charter. I agree not all Trump supporters are bigots, but IMPACT is greater than intention, so even though my dear family didn’t intend to vote racism, sexism and xenophobia in, the IMPACT is that they did and I cannot reconcile that. It’s the reason I left, escaped, and never looked back. I could not ever move back to Wyoming, not because it’s not beautiful or pristine or an amazing place to raise a family, but because I can’t live somewhere the people actively voted for this new hellish reality. I love the idea of Trump as a heyoka – in the new age circles I run in, there has been a lot of discussion about him bringing much needed “contrast” to our society and it’s true, I think. Now all that horrible stuff has been brought to the surface we cannot dare look away, we must be witness to it; there is no other way to heal the ugliness we all knew has been there all along without bearing witness and bringing light, OUR light, to it.
November 15th, 2016 @ 1:33 pm
Thank you for this, Shreve. This brought me comfort today. And as Ashley Clark just wrote, I love the idea of looking at Trump as a heyoka: not the total ruin of our country but the thing that brings out the bad so we can face it and have it banished!
November 15th, 2016 @ 1:35 pm
Timely and wonderful words!!! I’m stepping up my kindness to strangers and praying even more.
BUT. There’s just a BIG piece of me, that cannot reconcile what Trump has in fact SAID and actually DONE with believing that it’s OK to have voted for him because he’ll be fine and the set of beliefs and behaviors he’s exhibited are irrelevant. It’s like saying, well this guy’s a known murderer and pedophile but I’m going to let him be my babysitter anyway.
We live in a pretty much all WHITE and RELIGIOUS area and it’s scary. I know many who voted for el T, actually. They scared me before and now they scare me even more. The “citizen patrols” are actually driving around town now with rifles pointing casually out the windows. Past the barbershop flaunting a confederate flag. In California. This is the sort of thing I find worrisome especially as it has bloomed, fully, this past week.
November 15th, 2016 @ 2:00 pm
AC ~ I looooooove the way you distinguish intention and impact. Brilliant, and applies to so much in life.
November 15th, 2016 @ 2:02 pm
I agree with you right up until you’re “having a hard time”…
Are you kidding? Trump supporters are either bigots or stupid or delusional; they had the truth about what he is and what he and Pence are going to try to do in front of them for months and months and chose to ignore it and project _their_ ideas of what Trump is, or they embraced it. They also had his actual victims (personal and professional) telling their stories…not to mention those with truths about corruption and incompetence and lies…and they chose either to disbelieve them or just not care. Now we all have to pay for it. The consequences are already very real for a lot of people.
I don’t have a problem with it if ppl choose to try to get on with Trump supporters; go for it esp if y’all think you can change a mind–but policing the feelings of ppl who are upset and scared and angry right now, telling us we should feel and behave a certain way, the way that keeps everybody comfortable; is THAT really helping?
Because to me personally right now it feels like a punch to the gut, after a dozen punches from the other direction. It’s literally sickening.
I’m not straight, I’m a woman, I have health insurance from Obamacare. I breath air and care about the planet, and all the animals. I care about other women, my fellow queers (we who’ve already suffered a literal massacre this year, lest everyone keep forgetting that), I care about people of color, immigrants, about Jewish people. They are already talking about going after me and mine, hiring people outspokenly bigoted, or who call climate change a hoax. They are telling the media to stop reporting the truth. Fighting THAT is the thing to do…but for me right now, fighting to get thru the day is all I can so far just about manage. Being told to be NICE, to not judge or say bad things about those whose stupidity, or ignorance, or HATE has done this is disgusting and disheartening. It’s tone policing for the comfort of others.
I wonder, do you think if Muslim women are nice and sweet enough they won’t have their hijabs torn off, or get screamed at and spat on? Or that black people won’t get told to “go back to Africa, Trump doesn’t want you here”? Because that’s happening, that and much more is what this election has given permission to.
I keep hearing all this magical thinking about cosmically “why” all this has happened…and it sounds like self-comforting bullshit to me. It sounds like “the war to end all wars” and other lies people told themselves in history. Maybe people need that, I get it; I’ve enjoyed more than a few happy fantasies in the past days. I’d like to hope it’s all more true than I think it is right now. But I’d like people who want to say those things publically to imagine they’re saying it to the faces of the people most hurt by this.
And I get needing to find your own path through; I get telling people how it’s working out, for you. But telling others how to feel and how to act…spending your time pressing these cutesy messages I see in the comments here on others in response to their negative expressions feels disrespectful and gross to me, frankly.
I have written and rewritten this a dozen times, crying and thinking about how much of my day I’m giving up to words no-one will probably pay attention to. I already feel like this time is killing me, or at least the person I might have become without it. I’m pretty sure, though, that I have to make myself speak up, rather than die quietly.
I really do try to get what you mean with this post, and I’d like to totally agree with it…and I feel like perhaps if I was heaped with more privilege than the more-than-fair share that I already have, or if I hadn’t paid attention to those who’ve been speaking out (politely and peacefully and kindly and reasonably, only to be ignored and shrugged off until they burst and then are told “well maybe if you were NICER…”) for years and years to little avail, to only end up here, maybe I would. But I know how I feel and it may not be nice and pretty enough, but it’s real.
Anyway. I’m a go hug a Lab. Thank you for posting about Standing Rock.
November 15th, 2016 @ 2:21 pm
Thank you for the words today, Shreve. Believe it or not, they helped me feel just a touch less whatever this feeling I’m feeling is.
Have you ever seen The Golden Girls episode where Blanche is trying to describe how she feels? She calls it ‘Magenta’- “Magenta…that’s what I call it when I get that way. All kinds of feelings tumbling all over themselves. Well you know, you’re not quite blue, because you’re not really sad. And although your’e a little bit jealous you wouldn’t say you’re green with envy. And every now and then you realize you’re kind of scared but you’d hardly call yourself yellow…I hate that feeling. Just hate it. And I hate the color magenta. That’s why I named it that. Magenta. No way to really explain it but, fortunately between friends you don’t have to.” This is how I’ve been since last Tuesday. I’m sad but more disappointed, really, for all the people who will be hurt by this. I’m a little envious of those who think that their candidate is the best and are able to celebrate his election. And I’m scared – not yellow, chicken sort of scared, but scared for the eroding of what the last (albeit imperfect) 8 years has gained; scared for what this might mean for minorities, immigrants, those who practice Islam, and women; scared for how we’re viewed by the rest of the world.
As others have stated, while some of his supporters may not be openly racist, misogynistic, xenophobic, homophobic, etc., they were okay enough with the fact that he is and they still voted for him. They were okay enough with the idea that he not only says those things but that his closest advisors and his running mate openly espouses those beliefs too and are willing to put them in action. They must own the effect that those beliefs are having on so many other people. Just yesterday I read that the Southern Poverty Law Center said as many hate crimes had been reported in the 6 days following the election as the previous 6 months combined! This is the direct effect of the choice so many (my family and my very red state included), made.
I have no solutions or answers. I’m not blaming his supporters 100% – I know a fair amount of the blame lies with the democrats and the DNC. But man, the world sure looked different when I woke up last Wednesday.
November 15th, 2016 @ 3:58 pm
Dear Shreve,
I’ve followed this blog and your story for years. I want to thank you for these words of wisdom. We are a deeply divided country. What we forget is that we are all still human, even if we view the world through different lenses. Humanity can bind us, if we chose to let it be so.
Sending love from across the country to you and all those who call for peace, empathy and, above all, love during this difficult time.
November 15th, 2016 @ 4:36 pm
I would also like to think that trump’s supporters are not bigots but why on earth would they vote for one as president of our country? And a very dangerous one at that…A bigot with millions of dollars who represents an unprecedented and dire threat to all the progress we have made for social justice, our environment, etc. etc.
Yes, all the “let’s hold hands and be friends” comments cannot alleviate the very real fears so many of our citizens are feeling right now. There is something very wrong if one does not feel outraged by what just happened. Especially if you are a person of color, a woman, an immigrant (legal or not), someone of the LGBT community…the list goes on.
He doesn’t even respect the people who supported him. He said in an interview in the late 90’s that if he was ever to run for President, he would run as a republican because they are the dumbest voters there are. They would believe anything they heard on Fox news. He said he could lie and they would believe him and that his numbers would be great.
Well, unfortunately that was the one thing he was right about.
I too feel like everything I have worked my whole life for could now just come unraveled and we get tossed back to the 50’s and 60’s.
I do hope with all my heart that there will be just enough checks and balances in place to prevent this…to prevent evil from ever overtaking good in this country.
And thanks for reminding everyone to Stand with Standing Rock today.
A great example of good vs evil and corporate greed which we should all be standing for.
November 15th, 2016 @ 5:11 pm
Dear Shreve ~
Thank you for this. Although I am Canadian, the election of such a person for President of the United States has left me stunned. Many others in Canada are feeling the same way. We are also wondering just how bad this will be for our own country.
Please know that you and all like minded American people are not alone in praying that sanity will prevail and that the precious wildlife and public lands of your great country wont be lost because of greed.
Take care ~
Nova Lockhart
November 15th, 2016 @ 5:14 pm
I think most people who voted for Trump would say that they don’t support him nor are they fond of him, but they reluctantly voted for him as the least-repulsive of the two presidential candidates.
People have their “pet issues” and one of them is gun ownership/gun control. Americans love their guns and although I am from California, not Wyoming, I think I can safely say that for most Wyoming residents, gun ownership is considered a sacred individual right guaranteed by the constitution. Plus there is that frontier spirit, and Wyoming residents embrace the idea of living an independent life free from a domineering big government on either the state or federal level. So, of course they overwhelmingly voted for Trump as the candidate who would hopefully identify with and preserve a few core concepts. Am I wrong?
Hillary would appoint liberal, progressive judges to the Supreme Court, and gun owners fear that one of her first priorities would be to have the Court reinterpret the Second Amendment so she and other Democrats could finally stick it to the “evil NRA” through a combination of executive and congressional actions. This is happening big time at the State level in California. So a lot of the vote is as basic as that, not some big vendetta against women, LGBTs, people of color, and immigrants. I live in the Bay area and work in Sacramento, and people in both areas seem to be comfortably going about their daily lives. There is no terror on the streets. Except in Oakland, where there has been violence by people upset with the election. Vandalism, trashing, burning, assaults on the police, blocking freeways, and more. Poor Oakland! Every time there is an issue – election results, trade agreement, athletic team championship, police shooting – the place gets trashed. Are these participants Republican? I doubt it.
Many terms are being thrown around to label Trump voters as “xenophobic,” “misogynic,” “racist,” “haters,” “bigots,” and more. For most of them, that is not true and is not fair.
Your followers adore you no matter for whom you voted. I have two copies of The Daily Coyote, subscribe to the daily e-mail, enjoy checking out your blog on Honey Rock Dawn, and follow you on Instagram. That kitten is so cute!
P.S. I do worry about the possibility of Sarah Palin being appointed as Secretary of the Department of the Interior. That could be scary.
There was a big, non-violent demonstration in downtown today for NODAPL.
November 15th, 2016 @ 9:36 pm
great words for thought. i have been numb this past week. i am finally starting to process. a few donations made to organizations who do work in areas of interest to me. am thinking on positive things i can do. and i try to smile and greet those i come across in my daily activities – i live in a crowded area with lots of impatient people. interesting times ahead – the time to be involved in any way one can to support the issues of importance to one.
November 16th, 2016 @ 4:35 am
People who voted for Trump are not racists or bigots, etc. They are tired of the same old lies and corruption. I think they are desperate for something different/better. They KNOW Clinton was corrupt, so how can you vote for corruption? With Trump it was a 50/50 shot. Sit back, breath, and let’s see what happens. Americans are still Americans and your neighbors and friends are still your neighbors and friends. Stand united…be kind…reach out…and quit name calling, rioting and saying he’s not your President, cuz he is. The world will keep turning and you will go to work today, just like you did yesterday.
November 16th, 2016 @ 5:00 am
Some of Maplethorpes’s art was insulting to many people and disrespectful of their feelings and beliefs. I guess he felt that creating that kind of (possibly) self-indulgent work helped people in some way, but had he been a bit broader maybe ge could have influenced more people.
And why would one wear a shirt with an image of his flag ob it? Just to “stick it to” the locals who voted the “wrong” way?
November 16th, 2016 @ 5:56 am
B – As I stated, I was on my horse in the hills, so I was not sartorially ‘sticking it’ to anyone. Though I have worn it out often over the years and don’t see the problem with a shirt with his flag on it?
—
Everyone – Thank you so much for sharing your words and thoughts here, I have learned from each of you.
November 16th, 2016 @ 7:14 am
I did not wake up feeling darkness after the election – that came later when people started behaving so badly, which is occurring on both sides of the debate. I have never heard so much hate, and most of it is a reaction to the election results. We are better than this! When President Obama was elected it was not by my vote, but I pray constantly for him and continue to uphold the law of the land because who I am does not depend on government.
As a side note, everyone I know who did not vote for Hillary said, without exception, they would gladly vote for Condoleezza Rice or Colin Powell, if only someone like that had been on the ballot. Now they are tired of people saying why Trump was elected without asking the people who elected him for their reasons. The troublemakers on the internet do not speak for them. I worked in IT and was constantly amazed how much some people like to make trouble by creating computer viruses. Viruses don’t help anyone, they just make the perpetrator feel powerful. It feels like the same thing is happening on the internet. Please don’t believe everything you read without doing some fact checking.
My thought is that our differences can make us stronger if we keep our eyes open to reality and choose wisely. Balance and change is the way of nature. What should not change is who we are, which is entirely up to us. I think we should seek out wise counsel instead of fear-mongers, and love our country, which includes everyone, whether or not we agree with them. Loving does not mean agreeing, but it is clear that hate can destroy us faster than government can. We will all live or die together.
Shreve, thank you for showing how to stand by your convictions in a positive, constructive way.
And yes – Charlie for President!
November 16th, 2016 @ 8:46 am
Thanks, Shreve, for posting this. I am trying so hard to not lose heart. To find a way to live with this outcome – as if I had a choice. I need to think my way through this nightmare. Your words have helped a lot. Your perspective is a torch in the darkness. Thank you.
November 16th, 2016 @ 11:27 am
Wow. Your words, Shreve, and the words of others are powerful. I am not ready to hear or learn from Trump supporters because although they may not be bigots, they knowingly voted in a bigot. One of the cores of our democracy has crumbled and that is the notion of the common good. Putting the good of others about your own concerns. Instead, the age old fear of the “other” won the day. I’ve had Trump supporters tell me to give him a chance and don’t take it personally. Not personal?! The country is in deep moral crisis. How timely, a notification just came up on my phone that the Trump team is mulling a Muslim registry! We should all register!
November 16th, 2016 @ 1:10 pm
I did not vote for Trump. Am still calming my brain. Your email helps .J a.
November 16th, 2016 @ 4:58 pm
Thank you for the words! It is difficult to reconcile someone denying he is a racist when he was endorsed by the kkk. That group and top appointee Brannon would like me gone from this country. Perhaps people do not understand the terror of bigotry. It can mean genocide and enslavement. It is not “the war on Christmas”. But that said I work in a small community which had many Trump supporters as a nurse practitioner. I need to treat everyone equally and with empathy and love. They are not all terrible people by any means. I will try to fight back with love. And protest. And volunteering. And praying. Hopefully the palpitations and chest pain will subside.
November 16th, 2016 @ 10:27 pm
J ~ THEY might want you gone, but WE don’t. And we outnumber them. ((I’m so sorry.))
November 17th, 2016 @ 9:38 am
Just read this eloquent and a little heartbreaking article that discusses not turning into a “rhinoceros”. Thought it relevant to the discussion here: http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/11/magazine/a-time-for-refusal.html
November 17th, 2016 @ 4:28 pm
I just finished reading your Daily Coyote book this week, in the middle of the night, after waking up yet again in a state of alert. Your book gave me a much needed time out. So I looked for and found your site. That you, and your readers, are concerned made me feel slightly less crazy/angry/fearful. So, thank you. I live in Southern California where a large number of people, including me, fall into their get-rid-of-them category. I have vowed to speak up whenever I see bullying going on. And yes, we should all register. I am not finding it in myself to feel compassion for my “friends” who voted for Trump. My feeling is that, if they want only white people to exist around them, they can start living that life right now. That’s giving them what they want, right? So I guess I’m being nice to them after all.
November 19th, 2016 @ 10:17 am
Thank you! Reading Caitlin’s description of the heyoka made such sense to me. Donald has illuminated how many Americans think… and from my perspective it is mostly that they would never vote for a woman to our government’s highest office. I knew misogyny was deep in our culture, but it’s ingrained and has settled in peoples’ bones. It makes me so sad… as I ruminated on what action I could take in my community, I happened to be walking by a playground of a middle school. Girls were playing with girls, boys with boys– separated already. I want to bring everyone together and have them play together.
November 21st, 2016 @ 5:44 am
Thank you Shreve. Before the election I believed that there was no other way to get our country off the alt-right track of hatred and division but to allow the Rep. party to blow itself up. They’ve managed to blow up the whole country with them.
In a painting the way to make things more real is to put the lightest light next to the darkest dark. Dark is dispelled by light. I think this is true in life also, but I just can’t get there, can’t find the long view. Everything seems in peril. I feel such disgust and even hatred for all those people having a snit fit over not getting their way.
Since the election I’m having a hard time digging myself out of depression. I live in a largely rural Rep. FL county and can’t even go out to eat w/o overhearing opinions I’d rather not know existed in my fellow citizens.
So I’m holed up at home with 12 cats, who are a great comfort to me. NOW I know why I needed that many! Heh.
Mostly thanks for the reminder that perhaps ritual is a way to reconnect. I’m headed out to the state preserve with some sage to Sit On the Ground quite literally.
The only concrete action I can think of is to make a T-shirt that has a picture of earth on it with “I’m with Her” above it.
Cathy