Back For More
☆ October 15, 2012
When you left the “city life” and moved to quieter settings, what were the five biggest happy consequences/surprises and five biggest “hardships” about the move? 5 years later, are they the same?
I think I’ve described the happy surprises in great detail throughout this blog and my book, so, how about I give you three hardships, and what they’re like 7 years later (it’s been seven years now!).
1. Fence gates. SO many fences cross this land, which means you have to open and close fence gates to get through them all. Some fence gates are hanging metal panels that close with a simple wrapped chain and swing easily to open and close. But far more common are the wire fence gates, which usually consist of three “stays” (short wooden posts that aren’t set into the ground, though if you’re very unlucky, these will be metal) with several strands of wire (often barbed) wrapped around them and stretched between them. It’s essentially a section of a wire fence that’s held taut by tension between two fence posts. They can be heavy and unwieldy and when you unlatch one (by wrestling yet another loop of wire off the end post), it will collapse on you if you don’t know what you’re doing. To add insult to injury, the first THREE times I opened gates when I first moved here, I allowed whoever I was with to drive through, then closed it with myself on the wrong side.
Now: I still don’t like ’em but I have them mastered.
2. Planning ahead for food. With the nearest grocery store a 40 minute drive away (each way), there is no “dashing out for this or that,” which was the only method of shopping I was accustomed to when I moved here. (That, and calling for delivery, which does not exist.) I’d like to say I learned quickly, but it took years for me to form better habits and Daisy saved me more than anything ~ a quart of fresh milk is a far better makeshift dinner than gas station potato chips or plain dry oatmeal eaten straight from the bag.
Now: Since going to the grocery store is such a pain, I’ve found it’s easier for me to DIY out here. Like growing alfalfa, lentil, and pea sprouts all fall and winter instead of buying greens or veggies from the grocery store; and milking Daisy instead of shopping for dairy products. It’s a work in progress, as I add more elements bit by bit after what started as new and stressful becomes second nature, but with the current state of commercial food (GMOs in everything, organic still so expensive), it’s been a blessing in disguise, being forced away from what was so convenient.
3. So much whiteness. As in skin color. Moving here was downright eerie. Like if all of a sudden, everyone around you had the same hair color, or wore the same color shirt.
Now: It took a bit longer for me to realize the horrifying, pervasive bigotry. It is shocking and vile. I’m not saying everyone in Wyoming is a bigot, but it’s more common (and accepted! wtf?) here than anywhere else I’ve lived, by far. Certain friendships have gone from very close to just cordial after the other person rattles off some anti-gay hate speech like it’s normal conversation and I…. first, my heart breaks, because HOW can people think this way??? (Don’t answer that, rhetorical question.) Then I respond with my thoughts which in no way align with theirs, and then there is a chasm, permanently. No one says the N word around me anymore, but that’s only because they know I’ll go off. It doesn’t mean they don’t still say it or still think everything that goes along with it. The bigotry is the hardest part of living here.
How difficult was the transition from city girl to country girl? What was the most difficult?
Most of this is answered above. But overall, it was more exciting than difficult. And I wouldn’t even say I’ve “transitioned.” I’m certainly not 100% country ~ I still have and use the perspectives that come from city life.
While living your city life, did you just…know deep down inside that you were meant for a life much simpler, real, and natural like you live today? It’s like my heart longs for so much more living in the midst of a busier town down in the Houston area of Texas. I know I’m meant to be in the mountains and valleys…the open spaces…raising animals like you and many other women I follow via the Internet. I know that’s only one question, but I also just wanted to say thank you. Your story is inspiring me to pursue the dreams I have to work cattle, raise horses, and live the ranch life I always knew I was made for. Hopefully within the next year I will be moving to make that dream a reality. You’re awesome – much love.
I didn’t know. Didn’t have a clue till I spent the majority of two months riding through rural areas on the Vespa. But once you know….. DO. {and thanks ~ back at’cha}
Could you repost or link to the post you wrote about dealing with/confronting fear (taking risks)? I hope that’s enough detail to jog your memory. I loved that post and had it saved, but misplaced it!
CLICK HERE. Thank you for reminding me of this!
Where did you find the courage to up and move to Wyoming after being a city-girl for so long? Were you afraid of how you’d put food on the table or did you just believe that things would work out?
CLICK HERE ~ it’s a super long post so I’m not copy/pasting it here, but it answers everything.
How did you know going out west to the mountains was the right thing to do? I feel very restless like I need to change my life. What drove you to make that huge change in lifestyle?
CLICK HERE…….
Comments
17 Responses to “Back For More”
Leave a Reply
MY NEW BOOK!
More, Elsewhere
- No Tweets Available
October 15th, 2012 @ 8:37 am
I love this quote about intuition: “It is through intellect we prove, but through intuition that we discover.” Thanks for the post about intuition and overcoming fear.
October 15th, 2012 @ 11:27 am
I loved your comment about fence gates. It reminded of the last verse of the Michael Martin Murphey song “Cowboy Logic”:
An old cowboy and a young buckaroo were workin’, ridin’ fence. The old hand was testin’ the kid on his skill and common sense.
He said “Son, if you seen three men in a pickup truck,
dressed alike from boot to hat, could you tell which one was the real cowboy, just from where he sat?”
The kid scratched his head awhile and then he said “Well, there ain’t no way to know”. The old hand grinned and then he said “Kid, you’ve still got a ways to go.
The real cowboy’s the one in the middle. He ain’t there just by fate.
‘Cause first he don’t have to drive, and then he don’t have to mess with the gate”
October 15th, 2012 @ 12:53 pm
Thank you, Shreve, for the comment about “so much whiteness”. That’s something I have wondered about for some time while reading your blogs. Your answer is perfect. In addition, unexpectedly, you answered just exactly what/how the question of “so much whiteness” would bother me if I lived in Wyoming. Yet you are doing well there. Furthermore, I am sure you are making a difference in that regard there (to say nothing of other regards). MCS
October 15th, 2012 @ 1:03 pm
I, too, liked your comment about so much whiteness. I grew up in a family that never really noticed race but in an area that was mostly white. I have always been openminded, and pretty much disregarded race in my dealings with people, and this followed through the twenty years I have lived away from my “hometown”, in big cities and small, all over the world. I have always believed that judging people based on anything, but their own actions and words was wrong, and I have been able to stand by that my whole life.
Now, I have recently returned to my “hometown” and I am amazed by the amount of bigotry I witness and the fact that people don’t even seem to be embarrassed by it. For the most part, people I know, know that they can’t talk that way around me and not expect me to say anything, but as you said, it doesn’t change the fact that they are still thinking it or saying it when I am not around. I like to think that the fact that they have to think about what they are saying when they are around me, makes them consider it just a bit, but I imagine most of them just think I am just sensitive and cilly. What really makes me sad is when I see it surface in extended family…almost makes me want to cry that the ignorance is still so prevalent.
October 15th, 2012 @ 2:01 pm
I love WY and have been to your little canyon which I also fell in love with and have always dreamed of going back. The bigotry, although prevalent everywhere strikes a cord with me as my bf is black. I don’t see it however, and living in So Cal, it is not an issue one bit. So sad people can be so narrow minded on some things. Keep on doing what you’re doing, you’re still my hero.
October 15th, 2012 @ 4:38 pm
i too felt the ‘whiteness’ here in wyoming and not to long ago told 2 of my co workers that this was the most racist place i have ever live.. they have LIMITED the use of the N word around me as i confront it but it still gets bantered around as does using ‘colored’. no minority is left out of this offensive behavior, and gay bashing is also ‘normal’. it is common everyday language and you are correct, it is accepted here. it is shocking to hear such hatred and bigotry all the time. i grew up in a big city (Cleveland) and have lived in wyoming 30 years and in never ceases to amaze me.
thank you for sharing your experiences with us
peace
October 15th, 2012 @ 9:21 pm
I grew up in a small town where racism was an open conversation, so you knew right where everyone stood. I got to a big city and it was still there, but much more carefully spoken. When you don’t know anyone personally from a different culture, it’s easy to make generalizations, so in that respect larger and more diverse communities are more likely to teach some lessons. But an absence of bigoted commentary does NOT make for a tolerant society, just a potential for one.
All in all, I think it’s worth being careful about judging how much racism exists just by how many open comments you hear. Wyoming could be called “white”; but it’s really “sameness” – a tiny population of similar people, with a few conquered natives and some Mexican ranch hands. So they can talk to other same-looking people thinking they’re actually the same! That’s tough to do in larger communities, but I’m certain it happens in smaller social groups pretty darn often.
WHat struck me about Wyoming in the short time I was there wasn’t the whiteness, it was the sense that there’s only two groups of [non-tourist] people: Those who own stuff, and those who work for them. You could tell which by the trucks they drove.
October 15th, 2012 @ 10:03 pm
I love your home made deodorant recipe you pointed me to and have been using it for years now. Do you have any other non-food items you make on your own? :)
October 16th, 2012 @ 6:30 am
N ~ Maybe that’s true around Cody or Jackson, I haven’t spent much time in those areas, but I absolutely cringe over your “judging by truck” statement ~ completely untrue around here.
M ~ So glad you love it and use it! My moisturizing regime is here: http://honeyrockdawn.com/2011/01/the-skin-skinny/ (though it’s not really “made”) and I’ll do a post on my homemade toothpaste very soon…..
October 16th, 2012 @ 10:10 am
Not trying to be contrary but my take on Wyoming’s “whiteness” is exactly the opposite from yours. I’ve lived in WY my entire life with the exception of college in a big city. I had never truly witnessed racism until I lived in a big city. There (big city) I witnessed people hate others they did not know just because they looked different. I witnessed groups of people segregating themselves and at odds with other self-segregated groups. Growing up in WY (granted minorities are relatively rare) I have never witnessed such behavior. For what its worth…
October 16th, 2012 @ 10:30 am
“The bigotry is the hardest part of living here.”
Shreve, when I read this yesterday, I was so shocked and heartbroken I couldn’t even respond. I just sat here in stunned silence with my eyes welling up. I still can’t respond. Not properly. Not in any coherent way. I just want to scream at the injustice and heartlessness of it all and the pain it inflicts on people. “Tribalism” at its worst.
All I can say is that I believe each of us is as God made us and the same God made us all. That ought to be good enough reason for acceptance. Period. Full stop.
Growing up, I learned very early on to appreciate those who were good people and to avoid those who were hurtful. Race, religion, socio-economic status, sexual orientation – that all meant nothing – goodness of heart meant everything.
One of the things I love about where I live is that it is one of the most diverse neighborhoods in THE most diverse county in the country. I can’t imagine living in any place where the only people I see look just like me. How boring. How claustrophobic!
If anyone can change hearts and minds, Shreve, it’s you. Just as there are many things about Wyoming that have enriched your life, I believe that Wyoming is being (and will continue to be) enriched by you, even if some people don’t know it yet.
Blessings on you!
October 16th, 2012 @ 4:05 pm
I usually look forward and enjoy your posts. But, ya kinda lost me on the ‘whiteness of Wyoming’ comments. I too believe every person/race deserves respect and do not use the N word myself. I also believe to each his own and that each person has a right to their OPINION of what they feel or think–people are different. Lecturing someone to attempt to MAKE them feel as you do, or share your view, or to school their comments or conversation, I feel infringes on their right to their OPINION. I do not believe in racism either, I feel the gay community can do whatever it wishes, just don’t cram it down my throat please (as so many do– which often incites the negativity in those who otherwise might accept them.) I think if I’d been on the receiving end of one of the lectures, my response would probably have been “if ya don’t like what I have to say, don’t come around me–don’t expect me to change to fit your idea of “right”.
October 16th, 2012 @ 5:20 pm
You really stirred the pot with this post, Shreve. I think the attitudes you describe are common to a lot of rural, more isolated places. There are parts of Colorado that are just about as white as Wyoming and when I lived in Santa Fe, I kept thinking something was missing. It took me a long time to get used to not seeing black faces every day. I’m in Boulder and it seems a little more ‘normal’ to me but not by a lot.
I grew up in rural northeast TX and I was an adult before I figured out why black people were considered a minority since there were more black kids than white kids in my school after integration in 1968. I wish I could say that this made a difference in how people viewed each other but I seldom go back to that area now because of the language and attitudes expressed by people of both races, not that they don’t get along pretty well most of the time.
I think it’s a lot easier to be bigoted if you are unfamiliar with the object of the bigotry and I do see changes within the generations younger than me. They have gone to school together, worked together and participated in sports together and although most social circles and churches remain segregated, I think that may change in future generations.
October 16th, 2012 @ 6:58 pm
Johnna, I don’t want to speak for Shreve, but nowhere in her post did I hear her say that she tries to cram her opinions down other people’s throats or force them to see things her way. But she has as much right to express what she believes as other people do.
I also wanted to add that, in my opinion, not standing up to bigotry and intolerance is just as bad as being a bigot yourself. “First they came for the Jews, and I said nothing…”
October 17th, 2012 @ 9:02 am
Shreve, you really did stir the pot with this one :)
Discussion on controversial issues is a must if we ever want to get anywhere. Although, I will say I live in a small rural town with a lot of “whiteness” and its not full of bigots or racists, nor does it make me feel “eerie”. People are people regardless of skin color. If I don’t like someone its because of who they are inside. In my experience alot of these issues are rooted in learned behaviors and culture clashes. A family in our town adopted a large number of siblings, who happened to be black, and in a small rural white town nobody cared (nor should they), there are also people who have married/dated others of different races and nobody seems to care about any of that either. Myself and others my age (mid thirties) weren’t raised to think that way. The few times I have been privy to racist comments or beliefs its generally been from the older generation.
I also realize Shreve is speaking of her town in WY and her particular experiences. My point in posting is simply to say that my small rural town is not full of racism nor bigotry.
October 18th, 2012 @ 11:16 am
when I moved (temporarily) back to smalltown Wisconsin after having lived in Los Angeles, I was really surprised at how anti-gay people were….they seem to think its OK cuz that’s what they learn in church. I was horrified when a friend went to a Gay Pride parade while she was visiting San Francisco, just so she could snark about what the gay people were doing/wearing. I thought with the Ellen talk show and the Modern Family gay couple and other gay people on TV, people would have gotten over that.
October 27th, 2012 @ 2:48 pm
I love the questions. RE: planning for food shopping. I grew up in the country (on the corner of a potato field to be exact) and it was a 30 min drive to the grocery store. My mother took us to town for shopping about twice a month, so I know all about planning ahead, buying in bulk, and making do with what is left in the pantry.
It’s been 12 yrs since I lived the country life and I still shop this way, albeit once a week instead of bi-weekly. Going to the grocery store still feels like a bit undertaking, and I often forget I can just run out to the store if I lack an ingredient.