Q & A: Regrets
☆ March 2, 2016
I was going through old papers and found a rumpled, marked up list of questions from a Q&A sesh from years ago. Most of the questions I answered back then, but I don’t remember answering this one: Do you have any regrets?
Yes, I have regrets, and they hang on the wall in my mind like a display of decorative plates. Sometimes I dust them off; sometimes I sit and stare at them and feel depressed (though I find all decorative plate displays depressing); often I rush past them on my way to better and now.
I know it’s trendy to say “I don’t have any regrets because I love where I am now.” I love where I am but I still have regrets. The two aren’t mutually exclusive. I think regret is part of the human experience – that if you don’t have regrets, you’re either not old enough or not self-aware enough.
{feel free to leave more Qs in the comment section and I will A in later posts}
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28 Responses to “Q & A: Regrets”
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March 2nd, 2016 @ 8:38 am
No questions but I have to say that it´s a relief to hear you say that! And also what a great description of how you relate to them. I guess there is a “seize the day” but it just never comes effortlessly – it takes some work. Thank you!
March 2nd, 2016 @ 8:45 am
Admit or not we all have them but why wallow in them. Hopefully we learn something from them.
March 2nd, 2016 @ 8:46 am
PS. I got your sore throat Shreve and I don’t want it ty.
March 2nd, 2016 @ 9:12 am
I hate it when people say they have no regrets! Where is the learning if you don’t reflect on what you should have done better or different? Good insight saying that people aren’t self-aware when they say that. Also, some people – I know and love some of them – genuinely don’t like to endlessly examine every single thing. Weird, huh? Love your metaphor of the decorative plates. That’s EXACTLY how it is. :-)
March 2nd, 2016 @ 9:19 am
Regrets— never having told mom and dad that I loved them, never being hugged by dad or trying to hug him— it is too late now, but I realize that I am a different person now and that is behind me. I was shy then but now am not afraid to express my feelings. I am the same person—yet different. Love ya Shreve.
March 2nd, 2016 @ 9:30 am
A question: If you could change just one things, one event, one decision in your life, what would it be, and why?
I have asked myself this, and I’m always reluctant to voice something for fear that changing one thing would change everything, and I don’t know that I would want to do that.
Just curious what your take is on this.
I wish I’d been as wise at your age.
March 2nd, 2016 @ 9:31 am
LIVING creates choices – choices create regrets. No getting away from that unless you refuse to live – and then that is the biggest regret.
Q: How/when did you find your love of photography?
BTW: this months calendar pic is one of my favorites of Charlie!
March 2nd, 2016 @ 10:09 am
Do you have an all-time favorite picture of Charlie?
March 2nd, 2016 @ 10:49 am
So true that if you have no regrets you are either not old enough or not self-aware enough. The first time I remember feeling something I would call regret was when I was about 5 or 6. I was allowed to ride my tricycle around through the living room into the hallway, through the kitchen and dining room and back into the living room on rainy days when I couldn’t play outside. But Mother was very clear about having to slow down as I went past her baby grand piano because the space between it and the end of the sofa by the entry from the hallway was rather narrow. One day I zoomed around going too fast, the trike tipped and the handle bar caught on the keys, chipping the ivory end off one key. Mother came running, saw I wasn’t hurt, but her piano was. I was scared she was going to be really angry. But instead she sat down on the couch, holding the piece of ivory key, and started to cry. I had damaged her beloved possession, her piano that her parents had given her when she was in high school, that she played every day. If she had spanked me, yelled at me, sent me to my room, I doubt I would remember that day. I still remember it long after her death, as the day I hurt and disappointed my Mother so much she cried. I think that was the day I began to develop self-awareness and learned that my actions could have unintended consequences that could hurt others as well as me.
March 2nd, 2016 @ 11:10 am
yep, regrets I have as well. part of life.
March 2nd, 2016 @ 11:58 am
The one question I have always had is in regards to Charlie. If something happens to him (God forbid) would you raise another coyote pup, or do you find it to restricting…
March 2nd, 2016 @ 12:20 pm
if you regret something, it means you’ve learned something. i’m glad all our learning doesn’t have to be that hard, but those lessons are really valuable, and will serve you in many ways as time goes on.
March 2nd, 2016 @ 12:38 pm
I do my best not to give any regrets too much of my thoughts these days. How am I to know if my life would be better if I made different choices?
March 2nd, 2016 @ 1:07 pm
To me, regret implies you’d go back and do it differently. By that definition, I have very few (not studying abroad is a big one)
Lessons learned is a whole different story – especially when it comes to bad boyfriends!
March 2nd, 2016 @ 1:18 pm
I think whether you have regrets depends on how you mentally define what a regret is.
It became ‘trendy’ as a buzzquote in an attempt to help those who beat themselves down for every mistake they ever made and are now inhibited against trying anything. I applaud trying to help people who need encouragement. Sadly, that’s by it’s very definition what a trend does, and just like the ‘paleo’ diet is trendy now, the tide will turn on that too. The only losers are the ones who could have been helped.
I have mistakes, a lot of them. I’ve learnt from them. Regrets are the jar of fresh air you keep on your shelf when you live in the country. I have no regrets, but then I’m also not old.
March 2nd, 2016 @ 2:21 pm
Mistakes. Regrets. Life lessons learned.
If you’re alive at all, I don’t believe they can be avoided. The first two lead to the third and without all three, life hasn’t really been lived, just coasted through.
I used to think that, given the chance, there were things I could/might have changed or done differently. Now, after all these years, I’m not so sure: it is what came before, as it unfolded, that has brought me to where and who I am now.
So, yes, like everyone else, I’ve made mistakes. But, having learned from them along the way, I find that I no longer regret them. Or, at least, I don’t dwell on them.
Instead, when I do reflect back, most often I find myself feeling grateful for
(a) the experience,
(b) getting through it largely unscathed,
(c) not hurting anyone else (that I know of),
(d) learning at least one valuable lesson as a result.
March 2nd, 2016 @ 2:53 pm
So true.
March 2nd, 2016 @ 3:16 pm
We have a church marquee that puts up some of the darndest quotes, but now and then there is a quality idea that makes you forget the less-than-helpful ones.
Last week we were treated to this, and it came at a good time for me:
“You have free will, but you have to pay for your mistakes.”
I was particularly gratified, because usually church quotes tell you that Someone Else will pay for your mistakes.
March 2nd, 2016 @ 5:37 pm
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.;)
March 2nd, 2016 @ 6:59 pm
If you regret something, it means you learned something. Hmmm.
I regret I didn’t marry a woman that loves nude gardening as much as I do.
March 2nd, 2016 @ 8:09 pm
What is your favorite indulgence now that you are living in a rural area, and what was it 10 years ago?
March 3rd, 2016 @ 1:15 am
do you still have your vespa? if so, do you take it out for a run now and then?
March 3rd, 2016 @ 5:16 am
@Karyn – I have asked myself that very same question. Like what someone else said, “it doesn’t mean that you don’t like where you are today.” If hindsight were 20/20 I would have changed a choice from w-a-y back when I around 17 – 18. My life would have been very different and I probably would not even live where I do now, be married to who I am now etc. (Yes, I am happy). The path would have been maybe w-a-y easier and the results may have been much better. I wish I had a crystal ball to be able to see what path each choice would have put me on. Perhaps, we make the choices that we do because there is a lesson that God knows we need to learn in life, and that is the path that we are meant to take…regretfully.
March 3rd, 2016 @ 6:00 am
I agree. If you have no regrets, you’re not old enough or introspective enough. My main regrets are not telling the people who have passed from my life how much I loved them or not having told them often enough.
March 3rd, 2016 @ 1:48 pm
Regrets – too many to count. Its a pity party daily. I’m stuck and can’t help the people around me who are stuck too. It’ll be a long road out.
March 4th, 2016 @ 9:00 am
Shreve, you are right, I think. I remember having regrets even as a child. I am also depressed by decorative plates hanging on a wall!
I think that is a good metaphor. I have learned over the years not to let myself dwell too long on regrets. There is nothing I can do about them and if I dwell on them it is going to ruin my day! To remember them at times is necessary to keep me from making the same mistakes in the future. However, it is not good to pass them all through the day as if decorative plates on the wall!
March 9th, 2016 @ 5:18 pm
I regret not asking my mom to tell me more stories before she started losing her memory…
What is your favorite memory of your grandmother?
March 9th, 2016 @ 8:48 pm
What is one of your regrets?