Please note! By “cow,” herein, I mean cow {female} OR steer {castrated male}. Or bull, I suppose. Or if you’re like me, all three! I just don’t want to type cow/steer/bull/bovine/calf/heifer at every turn. Slap my hand.

It is my determination that a cow is a cross between a horse and a dog. This concept flickered to mind with Daisy, became an undeniable theroy with Sir Baby, and has been confirmed with Frisco. Dog + Horse = Cow.

1. Cows are smart. Somewhere along the way, cows were given the label of dumb beast and it is so far from the truth. Cows have incredible intelligence, especially in noticing and understanding patterns. Show a cow something a handful of times, and it becomes memorized.

When I got Daisy, I would gather her up from the field at roughly the same time each evening and lead her to the corrals for the night. A week or so into our time together, I got distracted and didn’t notice it had suddenly gotten late. Daisy knew. Daisy knew the time and the routine and she walked in from the far reaches of the field and stood outside my door and MOOOed, an insistent, un-ignorable, “Are we going to the corrals now, or what??” kind of moo.

2. Cows smell good. Cows do not smell bad. Maybe if they’re trapped in a feedlot they do, but that is a problem created by people, not inherent to the cow. Just as horses have a distinct and wonderful “horse” smell, cows have a distinct and wonderful “cow” smell.

Cows smell warm and sweet, like homemade pastry.

3. Cows are obedient. Daisy, Frisco, and Sir Baby all know their names. They come when called. They obey voice commands akin to a dog.

Sir Baby, my bull, comes up to me and rests his forehead against my leg when he wants a nice scratch. This is our “thing,” this is what we do. Last week, I was kneeling on the ground giving Houdini a belly rub and Baby lumbered over and rested his head against my shoulder in request for a scratch. I ignored him because I was with Houdini, and so Baby started nudging me with his head. Like, “hey, I’m here, did you not notice?” But however gentle, a nudge from a bull still makes you rock! I said, “No, Baby.” And he stopped, took two steps back, and waited for his turn. I don’t think this is abnormal. I think cows are really awesome.

4. Cows let you cuddle. I’ve always been a bit jealous of cats ~ the way they get to curl up in a person’s lap and be totally encompassed by another’s warmth and strength. With a cow, you get to be the cat. Because the cow is 10 times bigger than you are! It is an indescribably wonderful thing, to curl up in Daisy’s neck, or stretch out on Sir Baby with a good book while he chews his cud.

Cow therapy is the best therapy. Cows are love. You simply cannot stay in a hateful, anxious, or wounded state when you’re with a cow. Lean against a cow or brush a steer and your veins will soon course with love.

5. Cows have a secret bonus. Because of their massive size and strength, and because they aren’t terribly common as pets, cows can look quite intimidating to strangers. How cool would it be to have a 1500-pound steer guarding your home against intruders?!? He’ll even fertilize your lawn at the same time!