Part VII

Earlier posts:
Intro, Intro Addendum
Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI

When I left off, the stalker had been unable to pay his bond to get out of jail before the trial; he had requested that his bail be waived and, during that hearing, gone into a graphic tirade about a double-murder fantasy of his while on the stand. His request was denied and bail remained at $10,000.

At that point, I was finally able to move everything about this to the back of my mind for the first time since the stalking began ~ he was obviously stuck in jail and the trial was six weeks away. But the relative peace I enjoyed did not last long, for I soon received another call from the Victim’s Advocate.

She told me the stalker had changed his plea ~ to Guilty. This was not some sudden bout of conscience; this was simply strategy, to speed up the process and, in his mind, hopefully get out of jail before the trial would even have taken place. The Prosecuting Attorney was able to require a mental evaluation, which had to be scheduled and completed before the sentencing hearing could be scheduled.

The eval was scheduled, then it was rescheduled, then it was canceled, then rescheduled. It came out during the sentencing that the individual who finally did administer the mental evaluation considered the stalker “outside their realm of expertise” and recommended he be seen by someone with more focused qualifications, but, due to the disorganization surrounding the initial eval or, perhaps, just a general disorganization and ball-dropping by the Prosecuting Attorney, that never happened. The only good thing that came from the mess surrounding the mental evaluation was that it did keep the stalker in jail for another three weeks.

And then it was time for the sentencing hearing. I did not have to go but I chose to go, and when the stalker’s public defender saw me in the courtroom she threw a fit, literally shouting, “Why is she here? She doesn’t need to be here, we’re going to change our plea back to Not Guilty.” She muttered nasty stuff under her breath about me before the judge arrived, loud enough to be sure I heard it all, and then she really did try to change the plea back to Not Guilty but it was not allowed.

There was a short hearing which consisted of the Prosecuting Attorney and the public defender each stating why they were right and the other wrong, and then the judge made his pronouncement. This was the same judge who had presided over the bond hearing, when the stalker had described his elaborate plan to murder two innocents, and I was convinced he would give the stalker the maximum sentence of six months to be served in jail.

The judge did sentence him to the maximum sentence of six months. I was sitting next to the Victim’s Advocate and got excited when I heard this. “Don’t get excited yet,” she whispered with the dry resignation of having seen this over and over again. And she was right. The judge went on, citing this and that and time served while held on bond and probation and waived court fees and then, speaking directly to the stalker: “you’ll be free to go at 7am tomorrow morning.” This is what I wrote in my notebook at the time: I hold bullshit in too high esteem to call this bullshit. This is disgusting irresponsibility. This is a system that fails the responsible and the innocent, one that is hideously mired with subtle and not-so-subtle misogyny.

Afterward, I met breifly, separately, with both the Victim’s Advocate and the Prosecuting Attorney. Both said, “Don’t worry about him bothering you anymore; you’ve been too difficult, caused him too much trouble. He’ll find someone else.”

* * *

I did not write this series for catharsis. I found catharsis with my handgun. I wrote this for others, because I would have liked to have read something like this when I was going through it myself. It would have helped me.

I also feel that violence against women is a topic that is still too ignored. I took self defense classes in my teens and 20’s but still found myself unprepared in my ability to respond to the physical and psychological demands of being stalked. It wasn’t until I started thinking like a fighter and had a crash course in strategy and fighting back ~ which I lived and breathed every day for months ~ that I gained the skills and the mindset that brought clarity and confidence. And now, I don’t have to stay in that zone, because I know I can access it any time I might need to.

My longwinded point is, don’t wait for a reason. Learn these skills now. Hone your inner fighter and let her live inside you, quietly dormant but agile when you need her. I had the shrapnel version. I wasn’t beaten, raped, killed, or permanently disabled like so many women are every day.

I love knowing I can fight. I love knowing that by writing this, other girls and women are accepting (yes, accepting) their own power, as well.

Hello, Lovely {Signs of Spring}

Today, the snow is melting so suddenly and completely, I hear sounds of waterfalls as the the melt runs over the large gravel of the driveway, then plummets steeply down the draw, creating a fleeting lake below.

I love the beauty of winter, the severity, the glitter of ice in the air. But I hate the separation it requires. Layers of clothing. Shoes. Having to keep my shelter buttoned up and closed against the cold.

Today, I’ve had the front door and the back door flung open since dawn.
Air from outside, the breath of Nature, moving through my space. My bare skin moving through the air as I tiptoe about the yard in a loose camisole and bare feet. Hours spent outside, no barriers between the earth and my body.

No false layers between the air and my body, nothing between the breath of Nature and myself. I need her breath on my skin to feel fully alive, fully free. Winter robs me of this. But not for much longer. Not today.

Hey Baby!

The first calf of 2011 was born the morning of the last day of February…. which marks the beginning of an exciting time of year full of CUTENESS and BABIES! This calf also happens to be the first of Sir Baby’s babies, born to a heifer (first time mom) without stress, strain or incident. Hurrah! Much of the ease of birth, particularly for first-time heifers, has to do with the bull. A cigar for Sir Baby!
And a cozy, sun-filled spot in the corrals, thick with straw, for mama and baby. Daisy, the den mother, awaits!

Sunsprite

The other day it was beautifully sunny,

beautifully windless.

I went on a ride.

I peeled off my layers,

down to my tank top and gloves,

and rode with the sun on my arms,

the breeze against my shoulders.

I love this horse.

The Rural EMT

I have an x-ray collection. I love the big sheets of film, the look inside. I started nabbing them wherever and whenever I could; then people started giving me x-rays as presents. A new friend, not knowing my penchant for x-rays, recently sent me one in the mail (you know who you are :) But this is a tangent; this post is not about my x-ray fetish, this post is where I shall answer the questions you left me here, regarding my EMT studies and rural Emergency Medical Services.

What made you want to do this?
Around here, there is no paid fire department nor a paid ambulance service. That means, if there were no volunteers, one could have a house on fire or terrible car crash or a medical emergency and call 911 and no one would show up. Can you imagine? When the ambulance coordinator approached me this past summer and asked if I wanted to be in this class, I couldn’t say no, for several reasons:
~ It’s an amazing opportunity ~ I’ve dated EMTs and firefighters and know how hard it is to get on a crew in the city.
~ It’s a skill set I find incredibly valuable ~ especially because I know I will continue spending my life largely distant from the hubs of civilization – if not here, then in other mountains, deserts, oceans – and I’m pretty sure I won’t be alone.
~ Dare I be perfectly honest? When I was offered a spot in this class, it was at the height of the stalker stuff. And I thought, ‘if I know how to fix it, I’ll know better how to break it.’ This is like 2% of my reason behind doing this. I’m 2% vicious. Please don’t get fixated on it.
~ Most of all, it’s because I can ~ I know I’m physically and mentally capable of doing this job and, being self-employed, my life is structured in such a way that I have the time and ability to help my community (and travelers passing though) in this way. How could I not?

Why EMT instead of vet tech, fire fighter, tutor, etc?
Interesting question, and though this was not part of my conscious decision-making process, the answer is: the fire dept is pretty healthy (lots of volunteers), the school system is pretty insular and I made too many waves when I was there for certain members of the administration to welcome me back (I was a substitute teacher for about 18 months before Charlie), and there are a number of vets in the area and most of them host interns from veterinary schools across the country. On the flip side, there are currently only four EMTs in my town. Four is not enough, especially when those four might be unable to respond if they are sick or working cows or doing errands out of town or what have you. That number will more than double when our class finishes. Everyone in town is thrilled about this.

Will this be a full time gig? Are you on call for certain days out of the month with days off? How many people report to a call?
No, this is not full time. It is volunteer. It is unpaid, and without a set schedule. There are no on-call days or days off ~ if you can show up, you show up. If you can’t, you don’t. There could be six people who respond to one call, and only one on the next. If more people are needed, you call in for assistance and sometimes they have to come in from the next town, which can take upwards of half an hour or more. This, again, is why it’s so important to have a number of certified EMTs in this rural area.

Are there limits to what an EMT is allowed to do?
There are three levels of EMT: Basic, Intermediate, and Paramedic. I am in Basic training, and there are limits to what I am trained in and allowed to do, such as administering an IV ~ one must have Intermediate status to administer an IV. Paramedics go even further.

Do you have to have prior medical background? How long is the training? Is there any lab training with the course?
No medical background is required. EMT Basic training is 160 hours; the hours for Intermediate and Paramedic training jump exponentially. There’s no cadaver work, if that’s what you’re asking, but there is a ton of hands on training ~ we do everything to ourselves in class. Getting strapped into the stair chair and rolled down a long flight of cement steps by two of my classmates taught me more about how to do that well on a call than any book could!

Is your county divided into sections, so you are only responsible for covering a portion of it?
Yes. There are two towns in my county, my little town (population 300) and the neighboring big town (population 5000) where the hospital is. There is an ambulance service for each town, but they work together as needed. My classmates are from both parts of the county.

What is the average number of calls for Emergency Services each year?
For my little town, there are about 50 calls per year. My town covers the mountain highway and area ranches, along with the little town. About forty of those calls are trauma (car wreck, motorcycle wreck, horse wreck, etc) and ten are medical. For the big town, there are 500+ calls per year; of those, about 50 are trauma and the bulk are medical.

How close is the nearest hospital?
The hospital is thirty miles away from my town. But town is just town. It can be an hour’s drive, or even more, to the hospital from many of the ranches around here and from the highway that crosses the mountain (scene of many crashes).

How will you respond quickly if you live in the middle of nowhere?
That is precisely the point. Everyone out here lives and works in the middle of nowhere. It’s a 45-minute to two-hour wait for the life flight helicopter. The more EMTs that are scattered around the countryside, the greater the chance of someone arriving on scene quickly enough to make a difference. I’m five minutes away from a number of people. Another EMT might live or work at the other end of the valley, thirty miles away from me, but they are five minutes away from everyone on that end of the valley.

What is the signaling system?
It’s a pager kind of thing. Kind of a hybrid between a pager and a radio.

How often do you have to renew your certification?
A certain number of hours of continuing medical education have to be completed every two years (over the course of those two years) in order to remain certified.

Any chance you’ll take this further? Med school? Vet school?
I doubt it. Though perhaps I’ll go further within EMS.

I’m curious about how you are learning CPR – the Red Cross had put out something saying they were recommending people only do chest compressions, not mouth-to-mouth?
We do compressions + ventilations (mouth-to-mouth, though we use a little mask to separate the mouth of the patient from the mouth of the practitioner, along with other techniques such as the bag valve mask and using supplemental oxygen). We were told that the “compressions only” notice from the Red Cross was in response to the fact that, these days, bystanders are less likely to give any assistance because they are (justifiably) wary of the diseases that can be transmitted via mouth-to-mouth. So the Red Cross said, Do Compressions Only! because that can buy a tiny bit of time and maybe help someone, rather than doing nothing. EDIT: But this may not be the whole story – see the links in the comment section for more info on this!

Do you get any training/preparation for the psychological effects of coming upon accidents/trauma?
Yes ~ that’s actually what our class covered first, before learning anything about helping others. I have a weird philosophy – well, I don’t know if it’s weird because people don’t generally talk about this stuff. I’ll try to explain it. OK, I just tried typing it out and could not do a decent job of it. I’ll put this on the list of things to try to work out well in writing. I can say, that as the weeks go by, the class is becoming more like a unit, a team, there’s a closeness growing. And I think that will be really important and valuable in working through tough calls, both on scene and after the fact.